Bibliotheque

I ventured out into the chilly weather to come to the library. 

While I've previously mentioned my hatred for this cold, silent, and creepy 10-story building...

I've hated nothing more than the very bedroom I sleep in each night.

Rewind to the end of Spring Semester last year...
Moving out of Sanford should have been a joyful experience. Getting away from the community showers, noisy neighbors, and minimal space was definitely a relief, but as I turned around to shut the door for the very last time, I became sentimental.

Looking around the room I saw every positive and negative emotion I felt in that space. I saw myself sitting at my desk Skyping with my friends, dancing around being silly with my roommate, laying in bed arguing with my ex, pacing back and forth tearing up over the loss of Abby, and curling up into the corner of my bed screaming and crying hysterically about Gary's passing. I could literally see all of these things before my eyes. It shocked me how vivid I made everything. I didn't want to leave it all behind. SO much had changed in one short year...


So not only is there a giant mess stretching to every corner of my current room, but standing at my door looking in I see every emotion I have felt there. I won't get into all that I feel when I sit at my desk, but I know it makes me want to jump out the window and run as fast as I can. How do you get these memories and feelings to leave your room for good?

At this point I have no solution... 

so here I am, in the library I once dreaded... 

feeling more comfortable and happier than ever

QFI: Day Six- Hardest Experience

06. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Around age three my parents divorced, and a few years later both of my grandparents passed away. I remember crying at their funeral because I was angry at myself for not really feeling the same emotion that all of the others were feeling. How could I be mournful & sad at that age though? While I had a connection with my grandparents, it wasn't lengthy or deep enough to hurt me at the time. It upsets me now because I never really got to know them. 

While these events were 'important' in my life...

No experience was more difficult and life changing than losing Gary.

This post is going to be very long. Keep scrolling to read other posts of mine if you don't wish to hear the explanation of my hardest experience.

If you do, then...

Gary's Microwave Lesson

This morning, Alette and I decided to make biscuits and gravy! When I got back from my 9:30 class I jumped in the shower and she put this biscuits into our sadly tiny oven. After showering I walked into the kitchen to a confused and upset Lettus. 

' The microwave stopped working...'

she said & before allowing her to tell her story, I questioned if it was even plugged in. She said that she had already tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. My only thought was that maybe the outlet had blown for some reason. I reached back to grab the plug & immediately felt that the side of the microwave was HOT to the touch. I've never really felt a microwave get THAT hot before, at least not on the outside. I asked why it was so hot & she said she didn't know.

' Well, what were you using the microwave for? '

I asked & she told me exactly what happened: She was trying to put the timer on for the biscuits for 7 minutes but accidentally pushed START instead of TIMER and let it run like that for THREE MINUTES. I'm assuming the microwave stopped at this point and would not turn back on. I laughed so hard I was afraid I was making her feel bad. 

When I was about 9 years old... we were still living in North Forest apartments & Gary had flown from Colorado to visit us. I was in the kitchen setting the microwave timer for something and accidentally pushed START. Not even 10 seconds in to my mistake did Gary come rushing in to the kitchen yelling:

' NO NO NO! Turn that off, quick! '

He had never yelled at me before, and I wasn't even sure what I had done wrong. He turned the microwave off & said never turn the microwave ON with nothing inside of it. I am positive that he stood there and gave me the scientific explanation as he always did, but I was probably on the verge of tears and don't remember a thing.

From that day on I always made sure to push TIMER when I meant to, and not START. Unfortunately, Alette has not had the privilege of learning this mistake yet. When I said that doing so was bad, at first she didn't believe me. I couldn't prove it seeing as I 'blacked out' during the scientific explanation! I ran to Google and found out why...

When you run a microwave with nothing inside, there is nothing to absorb the microwaves and they start to build up inside the cooking chamber. With nowhere to go, the magnetron {the source of the microwaves} gets attacked by the waves! ' The magnetron isn't good at handling excessive power that returns to it from the cooking chamber and can be damaged as a result. '

Luckily, our microwave does in fact have ' Thermal Interlocks ' which prevent the microwave from overheating by turning it off. Much like a curling iron. After letting it cool, we plugged it back in and it worked just fine! What a stress that was and Alette was so upset that she had 'broken' the microwave.

The microwave working was the UPSIDE... the DOWNSIDE was that she accidentally burnt the biscuits and that it turns out packet gravy mix isn't the best tasting thing in the world. Oh well, I guess this is college living :b 

Lesson learned!

Nikon D3100

My mom and I have been on the quest for a Nikon DSLR Camera {Digital Single Lens Reflex} and have finally made our informed decision. After researching the difference between the D3100 and D5100, & checking both of these out at Best Buy we have decided on the D3100! Woohoo!

Slight Problem: The price! The camera {lens included} is going to cost us about $500 : |

Oh boy... we're saving up though! We would really like to have the camera before Jennifer & Chris' wedding, and if possible even before the bridal shower? It would be nice, but we shall see. I don't think my mom really wants to spend this much money on a camera especially while I'm trying to pay for college & college related activities {and she is helping out more than she should have to with this} 

Either way, I'll be happy to eventually get the camera, even if it's by Christmas or my next birthday. It was very odd this 'technology purchase' around because normally we have Gary doing our research and finding the very best for the very least price. Sometimes even buying it for us as a gift... I had to step up and figure things out for us this time.

Life Lesson: Change may be natural & necessary but it's not always easy.

God Gives, God Takes

God seems to be giving me all the things I have needed.

Friday morning, He gave me a chance to have lunch with my cousin which was a great way to catch up and just hang out together.

Friday afternoon, He gave me time to go see my best friend and we had a great talk, a nice cry and amazing plans for later that night.

That night, He gave me laughter, which hasn’t been common in me lately.

Even later that night, He gave me fear,  which made me think twice about what I was doing.

Around that same time, He gave me a friend, who saved us from our fearful situation.

Today, He gave me a surprise, when my boyfriend showed up at my house, driving himself, and took me out to lunch and mini-golf before I go back to school.

During this date, He gave us another surprise, people, who we pretended not to notice anyways :) But it lead to my boyfriend showing me how much he has matured and that he doesn’t react to these things the way he used to… which is awesome.

At the end of the date, He gave me new eyes to see the changes that have been made throughout everything. And a few great ideas to add to The List.

Then, He gave my boyfriend no choice and he had to leave to go to Wilmington with his family, which gave me my last night in Raleigh to spend with my family alone.

At Church tonight, He gave me misbehaving children that led to my distraction and laughter and I did not shed a tear. The first time I’ve been to church in a while and did not cry.

Near the end of mass, He gave me a smile from an old friend that made me feel really happy.

After dinner, He gave my family patience because we need to try to stay calm when we’re losing the board game :)

Later tonight, He’s giving me a Skype with a good friend who always cheers me up.

And of course, in my life, He has given me wonderful family and friends.

Even though He has taken Gary away from us, it’s the little things that He gives me everyday that make it easier to live.

I love you Gary < 3

Found this post on my tumblr & decided to switch it over here.