I Knew Better

I'm going to briefly share three stories about trust.
They will most likely make no sense to you.

The first will explain why I hate sharing. 

The second will explain why I hate group projects. 

The third will recount the time that I tried to fix these things . . . when I shouldn't have.

Sporty Spice

Lightening Press break room. Some girl wants to play with my barbies.
Mommy says I have to share.
Me: "Fine." Give her David Beckham's wife.
Girl: "Off with her head."
Doll breaks. I cry. WHAT THE HECK I'M NEVER SHARING EVER AGAIN.

Another day. Another opportunity to share with someone.
Remembers last experience BUT Mommy says I have to share.
Me: "HELL NO." Everyone says I'm mean because I don't share.

It's like touching a stove, getting burned, and people thinking you're a chicken because you're not up to touch the stove with them. Nobody understands.

History Games

Seventh grade history. Group project to create a board game.
Nobody has any plan or does anything.
I do entire project alone.
They still get credit.
WHAT THE HECK I'M NEVER DOING A GROUP PROJECT EVER AGAIN.

What are you, stupid?

{red-eye flashes twice}

Class. Group essays.
Teacher grades first draft.
Based on previous experience, I know to do the majority of the writing, but everyone contributes.
Time for revisions.
Group member VOLUNTEERS to revise.
I let my guard down and decide to be NICE.
He revises. I trust him... apparently too much.
He sends the EXACT SAME PAPER WITH NO REVISIONS.
Can I die? Who the...? What the...?
WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT?
As if they think nobody will notice.
This is a grown man. Far older than me.
Yet I'm either less lazy or just plain smarter than him.

WHAT THE HECK I'M NEVER GOING TO TRY AND CHANGE MY WAYS AGAIN...
Story One and Two happened to teach me a lesson and prevent shit like Story Three.

I'm too angry to write full sentences let alone make pretty colors.

I feel Grrrrrrrr

Here is a shaved bear:

I'll Tell You Something...

I am tired of holding back, people!

Each time I want to speak my mind I get far too nervous to actually come out with the words.
If I do, then I always LOSE to certain people. Red face, hot neck, uncomfortable situation all over.

I'm not letting my fear of reactions hold me back any longer. I will be respectful, always, but I will not let others opinions or ideas be more important than mine.

I am smart and I count. Therefore my ideas count too.

So be prepared because I am done zipping my lips.

Dis [appointment]

It honestly sucks when people lie to you.

It hurts when the lie comes from a friend.

Even worse a close friend.

Yes, I caught a close friend in a lie.

A big fat lie.

Important things to know:

Does this lie affect my life personally?
No, it doesn't change a thing.

Do I care about her lying to other people?
Yes, but it's not really my business.

If she had told me the truth, would I have been upset with her?
No, only disappointed.
Less disappointed than I was when I found out she lied to me.

Would I have told others the truth and gotten her in trouble?
No, I don't break trust unless someone is endangering themself.

Would I still be helping her today had I known the truth?
Well... I never turn my back on a friend.

I gave her a second chance to come clean...

... and she lied again, straight to my face.

I know she lies, but she didn't have to do it to me.

Lent-il Soup

Oh well hey there!
Nope, I'm not dead
*thumbs up*
I'm vive-ing and kickin' and going along with my daily routine.

A lot has changed since I last posted.
And I mean a LOT.

I have far too many drafts that are unfinished or cowering in fear.
I'm going to delete them ALL.
Start fresh.
Blank slate.

As all things happen to be, my return is ironic.
I've returned to say so long for a bit.

I know I haven't been here, but I have been on the www
Too much actually.

Using lent as my excuse, I'm cutting back my internet usage.
While I don't need to give strangers (nor friends) my rules to this, I'll share a bit.

I'll still be tweeting, but hardly/ reading tweets.
I'll still be using Facebook for photos or conversing, but no bored scrolling.
Tumblr is completely forbidden.
And definitely no getting sucked into Youtube's dark hole.
Oneword will never be taken away from me, so you can forget about that one.

I'm attempting to cut my reliance down.
After the forty days I will return, but hopefully have less of a presence.

I hope to reconnect to things that are important to me.
Have interactions In Real Life.
Put more emphasis on schoolwork.

The internet will no longer be my weakness.
After this, I will use its powers for good.

Signing Off,

Literally.

Edit: The same day I wrote this post, I failed... 

I randomly scrolled through Facebook and watched sad proposal rejections and pranks on Youtube.